We had an interesting dinner discussion last night. Bob, Teresa, Phillip, and I were all there, and the question was asked, "are we excited about getting our new house delivered in October?"
We are happy about it, yes. But excited is kind of hard. We're not really excited - if we got out OLD house back, that would be exciting. But that can't happen. We plan to be happy in the new house -but it will take time for it to become home.
I'm excited to be back in Winthrop, and have my old backyard back. I haven't gone outside looking for meteors here, I just cant set my alarm and go out and do it - it's just not the same. It's the same sky, but it's lighter, and less open space. It's a place I'm happy, but it's not my happy place.
Each of the "firsts" in the new house will even be bittersweet. There will be grieving at each happy occasion, just as there is after losing a family member. Our first Christmas in the new house will be the first without "the old house". I know it's not a person, it's just a house. But think how you feel when you drop and break your favorite Christmas ornament. And now it's ALL of your favorite Christmas ornaments. We will get new ornaments - but you can't buy a box of memories at Christmas Tree Shops. There will be new items that remind us of old memories, and we will make new memories - but all of it will take time.
That was quite a family conversation. But wait there's more! :)
I had a good conversation with the Girl today, about gifts. She expresses things so well, that I'm going to try to recreate some of the thoughts.... She's concerned about receiving gifts, and people trying to replace things. In some ways, that would make her feel like it was about "THE FIRE" and replacing what we had. She wants to feel that gifts, especially birthday and Christmas gifts, are about now, and about the future. She has put some things on her amazon wish list, including a lot of items for her newest hobby, D+D!
The fire is in the past - and we will be rebuilding some of that past, with a lot of help from friends and family. There are people holding items that will go into the new house, to restore some of the feeling of family. But the new items will be focused on the new life we're building.
I've blogged before about "renewal" (https://linda04364.blogspot.com/2012/04/fresh-start.html) - this is definitely a fresh start. I hope to keep us facing forward, renewing our spirits, as we continue in this journey. Each day we remember more things that we've lost. We will grieve each one, but then we choose to replace, rebuild, or simply remember that thing.
For people wanting to help, please remember that our past is important - but our future is even more important than our past.
January musings and a grand day out
10 years ago
It's hard for people to understand if they haven't lost everything. They want to empathise with you but they will never understand. You know where to find me if you need something.
ReplyDeleteThanks. And I really don't want them to understand, it's really not something you'd ever wish on anyone. Just letting me babble really helps.
ReplyDeleteJust an observation....based on based on seeing Kristen in her new house. It had only been a couple of days, but once there was a family there it became a home. While I realize that you had lived in your old house much longer, it was not the walls or roof but the people under it that made it home. I definitely need to replace the cross stitch picture I had made you. It read, "A house is made of bricks and beams, a home is made of love and dreams". Lots of love, Mom.
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